Before every workshop I have conducted since 1991, workshop participants have been asked to write down one question or concern they have about sexual harassment. I have collected thousands from C.E.O.'S to hourly manufacturing employees, in industries ranging from telecommunications to oil and gas. The questions that I hear continue to be remarkably similar across industries and regardless of corporate status. Out of the ten thousand or so workshop attendees surveyed, here are the ten most popular questions your employees want answered.

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1. What is sexual harassment?

For you acronym buffs, think U.S.A. Unwelcome -- the person on the receiving end does not want it to happen. Sexual or Sex-Based -- has to do with sex or with gender. Can be visual, verbal or physical. Adversely Impacts Someone's Ability to Do His or Her Job -- either by linking sex to some job benefit or opportunity or by creating an environment so hostile or offensive that the person can not do his or her job to the level he or she would have if the behavior had not occurred.

2. Where does joking cross the line?

When telling jokes, be sensitive to cultural and personal differences. Regardless of the demographics of your work place, it is a good idea to avoid telling sexual jokes or jokes that target gender, age, race, sexual orientation, cultural background, religion or disability while you are on company property or when you are around an employee with whom you only have a work relationship. The most effective humor at work is a) work-related; b) stress-relieving; and c) inclusive. It takes a stressful situation and puts a humorous spin on it. It doesn't create tension for one group or person while relieving stress for others. Think Dilbert. As a rule, if you are tempted to say, "I hope this joke doesn't offend anyone" -- stop. You probably will.

3. Can I unintentionally say something and be accused of sexual harassment?

From a legal point of view, it is the impact of what we do, not our intentions, that matter. This, however, has led to unnecessary confusion and fear. Every time we get in our car, we run the risk of bumping into someone. If we do, whether it's intentional or not, there can be consequences. Do you stop driving because you might bump into someone? No, you have good insurance and you go the speed limit. The same thing applies to offensive behavior. First, build good relationships with your coworkers, supervisors, and employees. Develop a reputation as someone who is open to feedback. This way, if you unintentionally offend someone, you will have the foundation of a relationship so they will know you didn't meant it. -- and will tell you so you can make sure it won't happen again. Second, avoid putting yourself in situations that could be misconstrued. Don't date your manager or someone you supervise. If you are dating a coworker, keep your dating and work separate, don't use company time or property for romance, and, if you break up, stop all dating behavior. Follow our offensive behavior guidelines and focus on the appropriate use of humor and communication.

4. What is the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Flirting, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Ideally, flirting is mutual fun between two consenting adults. In the workplace, it is important to be sensitive to the reactions of others. If you are the only one doing the flirting, it may not be as consensual as you think. If someone tells you they don't like it, then stop. We might wish "no" really means "yes," but from a legal perspective, "no" always means "no."

5. As a manager, what do I do if I observe something that's inappropriate?

Even Charles Bronson would agree that the days of vigilantes are over. We do not need behavior police at work. We do, however, need managers who are aware of potentially offensive behavior and who are willing to take action. As a manager or supervisor, if you ignore behavior, you are condoning it. So, use common sense. If you see an inappropriate cartoon, take it down. If you observe someone saying something that is inappropriate, tactfully pull the person aside and advise him or her that such behavior is inappropriate and could create legal risk for himself or the company. When in doubt, have a confidential conversation with human resources.

6. Don't some people want to be sexually harassed?

No. If we look back at the first element in our U.S.A. acronym (question 1), we see why. Unwelcome means the person on the receiving end does not want the behavior to happen. There is a big difference between being attracted to someone and welcoming attention from that person and being the recipient of unwelcome sexual attention. If someone welcomes sexual attention, they are not being harassed. From a legal point of view, it's impossible for anyone to want to be sexually harassed.

7. If we aren't supposed to tell sexual jokes (make sexual remarks, have sexy calendars, etc.), why do I see my managers doing these things?

Yes, managers, inquiring employees want to know. Whether you want to be or not, you are a role model for the people you supervise. Your employees look to you as a guide to what is acceptable behavior at your company. Research unequivocally shows that even individuals who might have a tendency to harass don't do so unless they perceive corporate "permission," most often meaning managers or supervisors who, intentionally or unintentionally, model offensive behavior. You have a great opportunity to model behavior that facilitates good work relationships, enhances productivity, and reduces personal and corporate liability. Use it.

8. As a manager, what do I do if someone comes to me complaining of sexual harassment?

When it comes to situations like these, H.R. is your best friend. Err on the side of caution and always have a confidential conversation with Human Resources as soon as possible. As a manager, you have the opportunity to defuse a tense situation by taking prompt, thorough, and fair action. It is likely that the person has come to you because he or she trusts you. Keep that trust by taking the complaint seriously. Be available to that person as soon as possible and, if necessary, take immediate action to make sure the person feels safe.

9. Is it sexual harassment to give someone a compliment?

Not necessarily. Two things to remember about compliments. One, the most appropriate compliments at work are work-related. "Great idea." "You really handled that customer well." "I like the way you took charge of that meeting." If you want to err on the side of caution, stick to compliments about work performance. When it comes to compliments about physical appearance, most people are not offended by compliments like "You look nice today." "I like your outfit." As a guideline, before your compliment someone about they way she or he looks, make sure you have a good relationship with that person. And, to make sure you aren't crossing the line between a compliment and a come-on, and ask yourself, "Would I still say what I'm about to say if my spouse was standing here listening? If the answer is "no," this is a red flag. Back up and reconsider.

10. How do I let someone know they've said something offensive without offending them in return?

First, let them know as soon as possible. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to talk about it. If you don't know how to respond right then, go home and think about it, practice what you want to say, and then get back to that person. "You know, Joni, last Tuesday when you said _____, this is the impact it had on me." Next, tell them in a way that they can hear. Don't threaten or yell. Focus on the behavior, not the person, and be as specific as possible. If the person says, "Hey, I was just joking," here's my advice. Allow the person to save face. Say something like, "You know, I thought you were. That's why I wanted to be sure you knew how I felt about it." Maybe the person was just joking. If they were, it won't happen again. If they really meant it, then it probably will. And, if it does, immediately follow the next step in your company's sexual harassment policy and tell the appropriate, supervisor or human resource professional.

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